you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
