Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
