Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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