You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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