He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
