I wish my penis had an off switch
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
her vagine was all disorganized.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it because I queefed?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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