How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
