I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
