you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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