ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
