where am i from again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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