okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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