are you still at the devil's house?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
