The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
