I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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