they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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