I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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