Having a random hookup so left but love u
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
