so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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