why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
