Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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