true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
