moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
