I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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