what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
