dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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