so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
