We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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