Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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