Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
