At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
