hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
