Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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