Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
