i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
