oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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