when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think I died a long time ago.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
