I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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