oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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