Do vagina's smell?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize