I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
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