i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
