my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
