i would punch a child for taco bell
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
