is your mom at the bar?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
