so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
