3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
