if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
