shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
