he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As shirtless as possible
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
