this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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