I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
