Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
