I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
