please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
