how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
