How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
