But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
