quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
