goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
