I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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