you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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