Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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