at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
