How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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