just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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