Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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