woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
