if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
