Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize