I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
