not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
