Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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