just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize