Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
