my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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