i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
