Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
