you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
