I wish my penis had an off switch
Porn is love you can see.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
