i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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