i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
